“We are not merely imperfect creatures who need to grow, but also rebels who need to lay down our arms.” – C.S. Lewis. The Problem of Pain (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2001), 88.
Dared not admit to, no not I.
To do so would re-enforce my human-ness and my need for others,
Particularly one other.
Resisted this acknowledgement, I have for far too long.
Instead I kept busy building walls,
Pretending to be impenetrable and without feelings.
Yet I left circuitous pathways and
A beautiful, gentle ray of sunshine made its way inside.
Without acknowledging the source,
I was warmed and nurtured.
Yet I clung to old, familiar ways and
I resisted the promises of the new.
My sunshine grew dim and shadows crept in.
Darkness descended and I lashed out, denying my true feelings.
The weight of my defenses pulled me down.
I cried out at the darkness, fought against the pain.
Then I saw my sunshine again and realized the futility of my barriers.
Truth could no longer be hid as I am overwhelmed by my selfishness.
Drenched with remorse, I am humbled.
My flaws are revealed, they will shame me no more.
Bonds of the past are broken, I am liberated from the heavy chains which burdened me
I cannot undo.
I can only ask for forgiveness.
I am building a bridge to make amends and provide a two-way path.
Your beautiful character inspires and encourages me.
Your warmth and love gives me the strength to be vulnerable.
Accept my nakedness.
No armament is needed.
Only courage to hope and faith in the power of love.